Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Let's Stop The Hating

 The Penn State Cover Up

Despite the fact that this blog is entitled things I love and hate, I want to make a plea that we use the Penn State Sexual abuse scandal as a teaching moment to address the hate our culture instills in men and boys in the U.S.  Many talking heads are discussing how football is a religion and that Joe Paterno is akin to a cult leader. And that is why these horrific crimes were either unreported or covered up once reported.

But I always want to look at the next level, what is it about American culture that we raise boys to hate and fear homosexuality to a level that precludes eyewitnesses from reporting rape/sexual abuse and victims from admitting openly that they were sexually abused by a man. I keep thinking of the guilt and shame that all the men involved in this scandal must hold inside. First the guilt, shame and hate of Penn State football coaches and administration -- that allowed them to overlook the rape of children in the name of football. Second, the guilt and shame carried for ten plus years by the boys who were victimized.

We know why women don't report rape, especially date rape. They fear no one will believe them, that they "asked for it," or they will be judged by their past sexual history. And while I believe there is much overlap in the experience of child abuse or rape for both girls and boys, I have to wonder is there another layer for boys? Have many male victims remained silent about child sexual abuse by priests and now football coaches because they so fear they will be labeled a homosexual? I also wonder if our culture was more accepting of gay men, whether they play football or not, would Sandusky have turned to this most clandestine sexual outlet? I am in no way saying gay men are more likely to be pedophiles...but would we have less of these crimes if our culture instilled both boys and girls with the confidence to openly choose their sexual identity -- from gay to straight -- and the spectrum in between?

Many writers and academics have argued that we are raising our boys to be repressed and depressed. I describe to my students how my ideas about the social construction of gender have changed over the years. When I first began to think about gender socialization, I focused on how women were constrained from reaching their full potential. But more recently have widened my focus to observe how we are restricting boys from reaching their true emotional potential. I use a photograph of two men in "utilikilts" to exemplify the degree to which boys and men are constrained by gender norms. Nearly 100 percent of my students, mostly female, cringe at the photograph and openly admit they would never date a man who wore a skirt. Yet when I look out at my class, 100 percent of these same students are wearing pants. This simple illustration, serves as a small example of the degree to which we place constraints on boys and men, they cannot cry, they cannot show weakness, they must love football.

The Feminist movement resulted in a widening of opportunities for women by destroying barriers to success such as gendered ideas about women's capabilities both mental and physical. While we still have more work to do, the success of women in education, paid labor, and even sports is well documented. But now it may be time for a Masculine Movement, one defined by expanded roles for boys and men.

I hope this scandal will bring this constrictive and self-hating male socialization process into the spotlight.

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